I used to write very stream-of-conciously. I didn't filter myself and I let myself write down whatever came to my mind without a second thought. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I was pretty funny (there I go a-tootin').
In fact, my idol, my craziest high school English teacher (and by crazy, I mean in the best way possible ... like, you want to sit down and have spiked tea with her and talk about mating rituals of armadillos for hours) wrote me a college letter of recommendation explaining that I was great at strategically swearing and that I was the next Mark Twain.
I'm not saying that I'm bad at writing now, but my writing has greatly evolved. Like a Pokemon: not as cute as the original form, but more complex and has more advanced powers. However, every once in a while, I wish I hadn't evolved my Pokemon because the original was so darn cute.
I'm not sure where it went, but I'm trying to bring my old writing back. When I was a young writer, I don't think I cared as much what words come out of my pen. However, as I get older I've found I second-guess every word that comes out. What if this doesn't make sense? Is 'blibideau' even a word? It should be. Maybe it's French...? Will people be insulted if I say that I don't really like Beyonce? Will I be thrown into prison? Will Beyonce torture me until I know all the words to 'Drunk In Love'?
While perhaps my writing has become more polished and "intelligent", it has become a little less like me. So I thought that I would write it down and make it official: I'm going to stop second-guessing and judging myself in my writing and let my Charmander fly. It's like my own Declaration of Independence (hopefully John Hancock will put his giant, egotistical signature at the bottom).
It's okay and it's good to grow in your art as you mature, but it's important to also not lose a part of yourself in that process. Every part of you is equally important, even the imperfect parts. Let it out.
Anyway, that's where I'm at with my writing. I like my writing and my voice today, but sometimes I miss my illogical stream-of-conciousness-Charmander thoughts. I don't want always want to be Charizard.