On Letting Go

By: Tenley

You know this feeling. You’ve felt it before. It feels as though a wad of nothingness has filled your head and is exploding through your very skin. The utter numbness causes the movement of your fingers and hands to become as foreign as your true feelings. Your hair stands on end and your patience with it. Nothing is the same and yet, everything is routine. 21152_4910220245336_820092043_nYou’ve cried so much your eyes have dropped to a new home below your heart. And that heart has started to evolve into it’s own being. A being that contorts and twists and is rebellious to what you strongly contest it to do. In the end, you let that heart run rampant, because you don’t really know what you want. And the universe would stand still in shock if you realized what you actually needed. If you could just know what she needed too.

She is dying and you can’t help her. Her heart is failing and frail-ing her. Still, she is overloading you with strange sentences and last words that barely make sense. And there is no timeline of events. We are wandering through this peculiar journey with no road signs or directions in sight, just the knowledge of a hazy destination. She has the fear of a child and the murmurings of one too. They tell you it’s the great circle of life but it doesn’t take this blanketed feeling away.

How strange it must be to know you are currently fleeting. How terrifyingly enlightening the world must seem. Every moment must be a combination of cherished touches and angry questions. There is comfort in prayer and light caresses. There is comfort. But she isn’t the same. Although, then again, neither are you.

You know this feeling. You and I both know this feeling. It’s crawling through and burrowing into us as we write. It’s dripping from our words. We dream of sleeping and of resting our wrestling minds, as we also dream of a peaceful rest for her as well. But we are humanly selfish and want her here, with us. We are not ready. You are not ready. I am not ready. Is she?

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Oh, hello!
We're Sarah and Kaitlyn, roommates from Milwaukee who started this blog to promote creativity and life.
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